my favorite collaboration.

it’s always exciting to write comedy for professional wrestlers.

well, it’s always exciting to meet wrestlers, and if you have to write sketch comedy to do it, that’s what you do!

not so much fun is having all the elements of the sketch dictated to you and then you get blamed for it when it sucked.



but I got my picture taken with stone cold steve austin!


more wrestler comedy i participated in: 

stone cold as tony little.

Triple H Potter.

a Jay Leno Jaywalking wrestlerfest that featured Trish Stratus, Big Show, Chris Jericho, and the late Eddie Guerrero.


STONE COLD-HAMMER OPENING


INT. HOME BASE

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Ladies and gentleman, Stone Cold Steve Austin!


ENTER STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (HIMSELF), CARRYING AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR, HE SITS CENTER STAGE ON A STOOL, ADJUSTS THE MIKE, AND CLEARS HIS THROAT.


STONE COLD

I’d like to sing this song, and it’s dedicated to Kurt Angle, Triple H, The Undertaker, and anyone else who thinks they can take down Stone Cold Steve Austin.


MUSIC: “U CAN’T TOUCH THIS” (LIVE).


STONE COLD (cont’d)

CAN’T TOUCH THIS/

CAN’T TOUCH THIS/

MY-MY-MY-MY MUSIC HITS ME SO HARD/

MAKES ME SAY,"OH MY LORD/

THANK YOU FOR BLESSING ME/

WITH A MIND TO RHYME AND TWO HYPED FEET"/

IT FEELS GOOD WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE SOWN/

A SUPERDOPE HOMEBOY FROM THE OAKTOWN/

STONE COLD STOPS PLAYING FOR A SECOND.

STONE COLD (cont’d)

(SPOKEN)  Actually I’m from Victoria Texas, but the song, well, you know...


AS STONE COLD BEGINS PLAYING AGAIN, M.C. HAMMER (ARIES) ENTERS BEHIND HIM.


STONE COLD (cont'd)

AND I'M KNOWN AS SUCH AND THIS IS A BEAT-UH! U CAN'T TOUCH THIS/

U CAN’T TOUCH THIS/

I TOLD YOU HOMEBOY, U CAN'T TOUCH THIS!


STONE COLD TURNS AROUND IS STARTLED TO FIND HAMMER STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM.


STONE COLD (cont’d)

Holy hell!  MC Hammer!  

M.C. HAMMER

That’s right, Stone Cold.  And it sounds like you’ve been touchin’ all over my song!  So now the Hammer’s got to come down on you!

STONE COLD

Hammer, I’m so sorry.  But your song just said so beautifully exactly what I was feeling inside.

M.C. HAMMER

Na-na!  You can’t do my song, if you don’t do my dance!

STONE COLD

But, I don’t really dance--

M.C. HAMMER

Come on, it’s Hammertime!


MUSIC UP: “U CAN’T TOUCH THIS”

HAMMER GRABS STONE COLD AND MAKES HIM JOIN IN ON THE “HAMMERDANCE”.


M.C. HAMMER (cont’d)

Uh-oh!  Uh-oh!  Uh-oh!  Uh-oh! 

M.C. HAMMER & STONE COLD

U CAN’T TOUCH THIS!!


THEY CONTINUE DANCING AS WE:

ROLL OPENING CREDITS.